“Failure is an experience unavoidable in order to grow.”
– my beautiful friend, A. Edger, in a text this am
Well, the honeymoon is over.
I have been riding a wave of wonder and excitement for the first couple of months in Israel while managing to set up an apt., buy a car, register my son for school, soccer and baseball and meeting a new group of friends from Israel and abroad.
Then I started Ulpan, a government sponsored intensive hebrew course, which takes place in the absorption center from 8-12:30 five days a week. I suddenly found myself struggling with the amount of time spent in class and homework. I would come home exhausted from all the intense concentration and brain work and was unable to write, to practice Yoga, to clean or cook and had little energy left over for my son. Being a perfectionist, this transition was especially tough as I was not able to give anything my full attention. My eating habits started to decline and I must admit that coffee and chocolate became a serious crutch for comfort.
So, all in all, the last couple of weeks have been very challenging. After much contemplation and discussion with friends and fellow immigrants, I came to the realization that I have to accept the toll that the stress of moving took on my body and mind. There have been days when all I could do was sleep.
I also have been sitting and contemplating priorities in my life. While I understand that learning hebrew is important, I am also not willing to compromise my health and well being to have to do it “perfectly” or the way “other people” do it. And so, I have been forced to be creative and find another way that works for me and my family.
There is still that voice that tells me “I am a failure” that I should be able to be superwoman and handle it all. After all, it is what my grandmother and mother did. But do I really have to? Who are those voices really? Is that my true self speaking or conditioning from a long time ago?
I am learning a lesson on how to Be Kind to Myself.
I took the day off yesterday and bought a surfboard, went to the flea market in Old Jaffa and got a pedicure. I decided to take a different hebrew class that is only twice a week. I went to a Yoga class and did my own practice this morning. I started buying and eating more organic fruits and vegetables.
Will you join me? How can you be kinder to yourself and start loving your life and each moment? I would love to hear from you about ways that you have changed your life to be more true to yourself. And I hope to support you to live your dharma on a daily basis.
With humility and awe for the lessons life brings,
P.S. Enjoy the photos!